Footballs.

Hey you guys, guess what?  Super Bowl Sunday’s almost here!  That’s right, in a few days we’ll be able to watch Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos (horses, not the car) take on Richard Sherman and his Seattle Seahawks (birds).  It’s a good thing this is a football game and not real life, because in reality a group of horses would demolish a group of birds.  Trust me, I’ve seen it happen, and it’s something that can really scar a 6 year-old.

As many of you know, Sundays are special because God decided that day is when football games should be played.  A lot of people say that Jesus is the “reason for the season,” but as far as I know he never even played in the NFL?  So maybe those people are wrong.  Footballs are the reason for the season.

It’s estimated that over 1,000 people (wow!) watch the Super Bowl every year, which is crazy.  Imagine your whole high school, but even more people!  Huge!  For those of you who may not know too much about the game, I’m here to shed some light on the most interesting parts.

  • Peyton Manning is Eli Manning’s brother, and Papa John Manning’s son.  Peyton has appeared in many of his father’s commercials, so this may not be a surprise to all of you.  Legend has it that Peyton’s gifted arm was molded tossing the pizzas and salads of his father’s famous restaurant chain.  At points in the game you’ll hear Peyton yelling “Omaha! Omaha!” before the ball is snapped; he does that because that was the location of his favorite family vacation, with both Papa and his brother Eli (other brother, Cooper, wasn’t invited).  While Papa doesn’t spend a lot of his time on the football field, he can’t resist showing off the talent his son clearly inherited in some of his Papa John’s Pizza commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0Sn49S5Ins.  Through an undisclosed source (the internet), I heard that if the Broncos win, Papa will make a bunch of pizzas in the shape of Peyton’s face.  Delicious!

Papa and Peyton

  • While a football is sometimes called, “pigskin,” it isn’t safe to eat.  I know what you’re thinking; but even though some of the world’s most delicious foods (bacon, pork, flank steak) come from pigs, don’t try to eat a football!  I don’t even think Guy Fieri could make a football taste good.

 Guy and Football

  • The Seattle Seahawks are named after the most annoying bird in the world.  Scientifically speaking, the seahawk; or “seagull,” as it is commonly known; is the most obnoxious bird known to man.  A 2004 study found that seagulls intentionally wait until they are hovering above humans and/or cars to poop.  Fun fact: Seattle is statistically the most depressed city in the United States, and seagulls are believed to be the worst part of the entire town!  No matter how many seagulls are killed every year, it never seems like enough.
  • Grammy-Award winner Macklemore hails from Seattle.  Second only to the seagull in terms of bad things to come from Seattle is recording artist Macklemore’s haircut.  While it has been rumored that he will be appearing as a special guest at halftime of the big game, hopefully that isn’t the case.

Macklemore Janet

  • The Halftime Show.  Speaking of halftime entertainment, how about the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Bruno Mars?!  One is arguably the greatest rock band of the 90’s, and the other is super short.  To be fair, Bruno is a very talented individual.  I think he was once a regular man, and when he was shrunk in some weird experiment he was given twice the voice to compensate.  Do you guys think he can reach the top shelf at the supermarket?  Me either.
  • Richard Sherman, CPA.  Richard Sherman is the star cornerback for the Seahawks, but his name sounds like it would be better for a lawyer, or an accountant.  I think he should change his last name to Sherbet, because then he could make delicious ice cream for people to eat instead of shouting at people through the television.  What do you think, Rich?  Switch it up!

Richard Sherbet

There you have it!  Hope you have a great Super Bowl Sunday with you and your friends!

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